i can't resist

Got these pics of my niece this morning and they made my day, so I thought I'd share...

perhaps driving 2700 miles does something strange to a person...

My much anticipated Precepts study on Daniel started this week. As important as the overview lessons are, I’m anxious to dig into the book by chapter and verse. Hopefully, it will give me something to post about! It will definitely give me something to discuss with my dear friend Amy, which is convenient, given that all other topics were exhausted on the last leg of our recent trip. Thanks, Ames…I don’t know that I’ve ever had an 11-hour conversation before…but I’ve certainly never had one so enjoyable.

I’ve also started something new that should help me be more intentionally aware of God’s hand in my life and the lives of those around me. Will let you know how that goes…

Maybe it’s just the new digit at the end of my datestamp…but I feel the stirrings of change. (It could be the odd spring-like weather, too.) I don’t know. I can almost hear the rustle of impending adventure. I am in an entirely different frame of mind than I was at my last posting. Even my dreams seem to suggest a shift in current…but that’s probably more of a reflection of my time in Daniel rather than anything to do with reality.

Speaking of dreams (and reality)…I found myself doing something rather…peculiar…today. (Read: utterly and desperately neurotic) I woke up this morning remembering my dream quite clearly. In it, I had a conversation with a friend that troubled me. As I was taking a shower, wholly understanding that it occurred in a dream and did not actually happen, I started to contemplate why this friend said certain things.

Seriously.

Fully aware that I MADE IT UP IN MY HEAD, I still mulled over every word, nuance, and gesture…tried to search out his real motives. ..and then attempted to predict what would have happened if the dream hadn’t ended.

I need to be institutionalized. (Not where old people go, Jared...where CRAZY people go.)

out of egypt

I know. I know. It’s been awhile. I’ve been…busy. And lack of internet at home makes it harder to post. And, I’ve been busy. {Insert your own preferred excuse here.}

The truth is, I haven’t felt like I have anything to say. Not that things aren’t happening in my day-to-day life…I’ve moved to Midland, settled in at work, and increased my two favorite collections (books…and bowls). I’ve been all over the state to see friends and family, and out of the state to see AP. Christmas was wonderful, old friends are home, and the new year will start with a little “magic.” But I started this blog with the hope that it would be more than a daily journal of the mundane; that I would be able to chronicle the mighty works of God in one small girl’s life, and perhaps bring encouragement to you, Dear Reader. (Please note that I know God can be found in the mundane, and more regular journals can be highly diverting, as evidenced by those on the right.)

So, does my silence indicate a lack of mighty works from the hand of God? Am I empty of praises for the Lord, who has brought me out of Egypt? Has my throat become so dry and parched from the dusty road to Canaan that I can no longer raise my voice to sing out “Holy, Holy, Holy”?

How many times must He tell me about the springs in the desert…the living water that satisfies all thirst?

......

I was interrupted after writing the above and had to leave it be over the weekend. Interestingly, the sermon this Sunday was based on Deuteronomy 6:1-14.

"Be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." (De 6:12)

More on this later. I'm leaving today for a little road trip...and should have plenty of time to ponder this and other things on the drive.


May you remember the God of Israel, who brought His people out of Egypt, and is leading the way to a land of milk and honey.

jesus wore sandals

Barefoot. I stand on the edge of a vast desert, atop a hill, surveying the land around me. It is quiet, but it is not peaceful. It’s the lonesome kind of silence, tainted with longing. Longing for comfort, for water, for a friend. Longing for the still, small whisper of guidance. But there is nothing. This nothingness yawns before me like an endless orange ocean, only this ocean has been drained of every last drop of life-giving water. Then – Something. Barely distinguishable, among the counterfeit ocean’s waves of heat that rise from its floor, there is Something. No, Someone. He beckons silently.
“Why did you leave me here?” my soul cries out as the tears course hot down my face. “I am so thirsty!” Even to my own ears, I sound plaintive, childish. Accusing. He beckons once again, this time with a word.

“Come.”

I sink to my knees. “No. I can’t. It’s far too hot out there, and dry. I’ll never make it. Why can’t you just come back for me?”
“Beloved, this is where I am. I have not moved, nor will I. The scenery may change, but always, I am here. Waiting for you. Come to me.”
Reluctant, I stand, but remain on the top of my hill, yet unwilling to descend to the low, barren wasteland. I wipe at the tears, but they have long disappeared, victims of the searing sun and blistering wind, leaving behind only faint trails of salt and aching.
“Look, Child. Don’t you see? The nothingness may overwhelm you if you stay there. But look again…that nothingness is all that lies between you and Me. No barriers, no locked gates. Nothing.”
I am silent, but He pierces my heart. “Yes, nothing but my enemies…the sun, the sand, and the endless miles. I don’t want to go.”

My toes are burnt.

Praise Him for His mighty works;
Praise Him for His marvelous grace…
For He has stretched forth His mighty hand
And has smitten the waters:
He has made me to pass through dry-shod. Hallelujah!
For there will be no more sea.
There will be no more separation!
He has removed every barrier; He has bridged the gulf…
He has led me through the way of the wilderness,
And His hand has been a shade from the burning heat.
Through the barren wasteland, He has filled my cup from living streams.
- Frances J. Roberts

The poor and needy seek water, but there is none,
Their tongues fail for thirst.
I, the LORD, will hear them;
I, the God of Israel will not forsake them.
I will open rivers in the desolate heights,
And fountains in the midst of the valleys;
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
And the dry land springs of water.
- Isaiah 41:17-18

At the hillside you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored by the river that pours
From our blessed Savior’s side
- Beautiful Scandalous Night

russian rambles

I finished The Brothers Karamazov this week…it took me almost as long to read it as it took Dostoievsky to write it. Many, far more qualified than this humble author, have reviewed this epic novel, so I hesitate to even attempt an articulation of my thoughts. Is it enough to say that it’s a riot of guilt and forgiveness, truth and perception, violent passions and steadfast faith? And in the end…I’m not at all sure which came out the victor. It left me with a rather startled and hollow feeling, as if my mind was not quite ready to grasp that the story was finished. It wasn’t wholly satisfying. But perhaps that’s just one reason works like this endure…the author asks questions and doesn’t offer pat answers. He creates characters that, though exaggerated, can highlight one’s own character…both the saint and the sinner. And he leaves the reader to her musings without dictating a specific response. In all, it was a worthwhile read. Still, I am somewhat relieved to have finished it! It was a long haul…
I am also glad to put away Tainted Love: God, Sex, and Relationships for the Not-So-Pure-At-Heart by David Mark Brown. I read most of it with slightly raised eyebrows. The only other thing I can think of to say is this: Using one’s given name in its entirety does not automatically make one a poet.

I’ve added a couple more on deck, and The Problem of Pain snuck in there ahead of Humility (sorry Michelle! I’ll get to it soon, I promise!). I’m starting to feel like I may be getting a bit ambitious, especially in light of starting a new job on Monday. I’m very thankful to have been offered this opportunity, but as my last days as a slacker slip away, I can’t help but feel sorry. I will miss the total lack of concern for how late it is…I will miss the freedom to stay in my pajamas all day…but mostly, I will miss spending precious time with my niece. I can hardly believe that she’s seven months old already, and I know going back to work will only make Time fly by on swifter wings.

Despite the recent bizarre weather, summer is coming. I can feel it stirring up all around…my college friends preparing (or not) for exams…core team meetings about upcoming events…the endless racks of swimsuits on display at Target. There’s just a general bite of anticipation in the air…changes are coming on this summer wind. They always do.

May you stand fast in all seasons, whether the wind rages or whispers enchantingly…may it not distract you from the still, small voice.

better than showbiz

Yes, I am old enough to have had a birthday party at ShowBiz Pizza Place. (“But you look so young!”) You young'uns may know it as Chuck E. Cheese’s, but whatever you call it, it’s always been the place where a kid can be a kid. Pizza, Whack-a-Mole, and freakish animatronic entertainment. What more could a girl ask for?



I was going to post something rather melancholy and beautiful about turning 27 years old today, but I have had too good of a birthday to be wistful. My celebration actually started last night when I checked my email and saw that my dear friend June had tagged me in a note entitled “Happy Birthday Shannon!” I couldn’t resist reading it a bit early. Dear June makes me cry. Today I had lunch with my mom, sister, and niece…I spent a few hours catching up with my friend Jeanna and her new son…I had dinner with my dad…I worshipped with my REAL brothers and sisters…and I ate a chocolate cupcake.

I also opened some really great gifts given in really great polka dot bags. Two books that made me squeal (not that charming of a sound!) when I saw them, a supremely appropriate book in its original language (that I don’t speak), a sketch by a young Miss Audrey, and an extra-special tee-shirt that reminds me to breathe. Oh, and some chocolate, of course.

What more could a girl ask for? To dam the wave of sentiment that threatens to flood us all, I will withhold any further details of how I feel about those who helped me celebrate this day…except to say “I love you. So much.” It is good to be 27.

May you feel the kisses of God today, and be completely swept off your feet.

the knowledge of the holy....or, a second post?!

Lord, Thou knowest all things; Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising and art acquainted with all my ways. I can inform Thee of nothing and it is vain to try to hide anything from Thee. In the light of Thy perfect knowledge I would be as artless as a little child. Help me to put away all care, for Thou knowest the way that I take and when Thou hast tried me I shall come forth as gold. Amen.

This is the prayer that opens chapter 10 (entitled The Divine Omniscience) of Tozer’s The Knowledge of the Holy. I’ve been reading this classic for awhile now, one divine attribute at a time. It has been immeasurably helpful to me in the past few weeks, encouraging more contemplation on the character of God and less contemplation on myself. And in the midst of my own swirling confusions and restless questions, how fortifying it is to be reminded of the absolute knowledge of my Lord.

“God knows instantly and effortlessly all matter and all matters, all mind and every mind, all spirit and all spirits, all being and every being, all creaturehood and all creatures, every plurality and all pluralities, all law and every law, all relations, all causes, all thoughts, all mysteries, all enigmas, all feeling, all desires, every unuttered secret, all thrones and dominions, all personalities, all things visible and invisible in heaven and in earth, motion, space, time, life, death, good, evil, heaven, and hell.” (pg.56)

Now read that again. Out loud.

“…how unutterably sweet is the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows us completely…no unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since He knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us.” (pg.57)

It’s one of those bulldozing kinds of truths for me, something that can knock me right over. It can be overwhelming, terrifying, and most certainly humbling. But it is comforting as well, because I know His work doesn’t end with demolition…He is also an Architect, and He has plans to build me anew. And the foundation is formed with the very truths that devastated me. Truths like these…(Tozer’s list, kind of)… God is Self-existent… He is Self-sufficient… Eternal… Infinite… Immutable… Omniscient… Wise… Omnipotent… Transcendent… Omnipresent… Faithful… Good… Just… Merciful… Abounding in Grace… Loving… Holy… and Sovereign. If you’ve never done a study solely on the attributes of God, I urge you to do so. It will surely be profitable, to put it rather mildly. [I’m nearly positive that I’m preaching to the choir on this, Faithful Readers. But if not, I can recommend the Precepts study as well as Tozer. ;-)]

May you, too, be forged by the awesome truths of God, and come forth as gold.