Hello Lamppost

What, you ask, can possibly have pulled Yours Truly But Silent out of the abyss? An offer to review a book that actually intrigued YTBS enough to say "Yes, send me two copies, please."

What's it like to be Married to Me? (And Other Dangerous Questions)

- Linda Dillow

This book appears to be marketed towards disillusioned wives, disappointed in their marriages, longing for more passion, joy, romance, intimacy. But I would recommend this to ANY wife, satisfied or otherwise, doe-eyed newlywed or veteran soldier. Single ladies, be forewarned, you may be receiving this as a shower gift, should this happy occasion be in your future¹.

I've read my share of trite Christian "self-helpers", and was prepared to regard this as such, but thought it might be worth a go. I was most pleasantly surprised. The book begins with a familiar exercise² - imagining your own funeral - contemplating what you would want someone to say about you at the end of your life. I'll admit, in past attempts, I've struggled to get anything beyond misty ambiguity, over-spiritualized ideas and ideals. But Linda asked me what I would want my husband to say. This snapped the nebulous vapor into precise shapes pretty quickly. Words flowed freely, passionately³. This was the easy part.

The intention of the exercise is to pour a foundation on which to build a Marriage Purpose Statement. This is the not quite as easy part. I'm working on it.

The hard part is putting it all into practice. I'm working on this, too. Good thing I have the rest of my life.

Beyond the pragmatic tools, Linda offers godly wisdom and encouragment, sharing stories of marriages that have been resurrected from the ashes by the Lord's mighty work through the wives trusting their unions to Him. Women who unreservedly humble themselves, who ask not for a more loveable husband, but for a more faithful heart. The book is not a "how to have a better marriage" guide...it's a "how to love like Christ and follow Him in your marriage" guide.

It's a good book.

I plan on reading it again, more thoughtfully and prayerfully and actively. There's also a 10-12 week Bible study included that I'm going to work through⁴.

As always, you can purchase the book at Amazon.

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Is this my triumphant return to the blogosphere? We shall see. I shall say goodnight, but not goodbye, Faithful Readers.



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1. Given that we're still friends and I get invited. Or you feel obligated whether we're still friends or not...and I get invited.

2. Hello Pastor Bill!

3. Apparently, my beloved sounds a lot like me. And is just as long-winded.

4. And I have another copy, if someone's interested in going through it with me. Since I have less than two married friends that read this, I have just enough!

North! Or Be Eaten

It's here!¹




If a resonating theme of On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness hinted that knowing where you come from is as significant as knowing where you’re going, the theme of Andrew Peterson’s Book Two in The Wingfeather Saga dives deeper, but is wrapped neatly up in the dedication to his three children: “Remember who you are.”

This whole concept of understanding your true identity, intentionally remembering who you are, and living your life in the light of that reflection, is threaded throughout the Igiby’s second grand tale of adventure. A myriad of responses to this true identity is witnessed: resentment of inherited responsibilities; hiding from the truth; running from the truth; fighting against the truth; and even the rare quiet and humble acceptance…each character struggling or submitting in his and her own way.

Like most AP stories, you don’t get very far before you’re smacked good and hard with reflections of your own responses to the truth. Do we remember who we are? Or do we allow the world to define us, to tell us who we are, eroding our foundation with slow and seductive (but merciless) waves of lies until we topple into the ocean? And if our eyes grow dim enough, and we lie in darkness for long enough…how painful it can be to come into the light again. Yet, it is only by this light that we see. It is only by this light that we can become who we already are. Do we remember? ²

Shall I talk about the book? I’ve been putting off writing my review for a reason…a reason I am loathe to actually type out for all to see. North! Or Be Eaten is not as good as OTEOTDSOD. It’s in grave danger of catching Middle Book Syndrome; Aerwiar is no longer a new world of discovery, and lacks a bit of the sharp poignancy I found on my first visit there. There are altogether too few footnotes. ³ And the Great Battle has yet to be fought, so the end is hardly satisfactory, as it’s clearly not the end. I chalked it up to extravagant and nigh unmeetable expectations. Then I sat down and re-read the last few chapters again tonight and changed my mind.

How could I have thought it lacked poignancy? The last scenes are intense enough to awaken that unquietable but “pleasurable ache between my heart and my stomach”, as Podo would say. It’s difficult to say much without giving too much away, but I will say that the end⁴ bursts open in glorious and powerful revelation of true identity…not in discovering some new identity, but in fully recognizing what is already known.

“What’s magic, anyway?” Nia asks in Chapter 57. “…Aerwiar is full of wonders and some call it magic. This is a gift from the Maker…(it) has great power, but it is clear the Maker put the power there when He knit the world. If it seems as though we have uncovered some great secret, it is only because the wars of the ages concealed what once was as common as grass.” ⁵

What is magic, Nia? Magic is finding newness in a story older than time. Magic is unearthing more of myself, and more of my Maker, while digging into a child’s tale about old pirates and fork factories. And magic is, of course, getting to know Peet the Sock Man more thoroughly. ⁶

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1. As usual, if you’re looking for an honest-to-goodness review, go somewhere else. Or just buy the book because you know you already want it.

2. What? Too vague and overspiritualized for a book review? Deal, you’re the only one reading this anyway!

3. That’s as close as I’m going to get to your suggested complaint, Ames.

4. though not quite the end…

5. This line really struck me “…because the wars of the ages concealed what was once as common as grass.” A thing resounds when it rings true, and all that. I’m not sure the quote flows with the review at all, but who’s really keeping score?

6. Indeed.

he who has an ear, let him hear...

I read Revelation this morning, Chapters One and Two, while sitting in my car before church. It was actually just a “I have a few minutes before I want to head in so I’ll read a little bit…why not Revelation?” kind of thing. I read 2:12-17 a couple of times through (the message to the church of Pergamum) and was struck by the promise of the white stone with the new name written upon it. I pondered what my own new name could be, this name that no one knows but she who receives it. Then I went in.

Service was good, though I had to pull out my notes just now to remind myself what the sermon was about. (You could, I suppose, draw one of two conclusions from that statement. Either the sermon was slightly forgettable, or I have a progressively bad memory. I leave it up to you to decide.) A moment during one of the songs, however, is quite stuck in my head. We were singing “I Will Rise” and it seemed particularly poignant to me today. Struggling a bit this week with discouragement, anxiety, doubt, and failure, the hope-full verse that struck me was:

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Across the aisle from me was a gentleman, eyes closed, quietly singing along. He was seated, not in a comfy blue chair, but rather in a wheelchair…one designed for the long haul, by all appearances. And he was singing:

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I thought about how very dark this world can be, how many tears have been shed through the ages. How we are each afflicted with our own crippling disease, that can bind us and break us. How very much we need healing. How very much we need a Healer. And my heart cried “Come, Lord Jesus.”

…………………………………………………………………………………

In Small Church, Stephan started with a devotional. On Revelation 2:12-17. The Pergamum church was reminded that Jesus had a two-edged sword, and that He would come quickly to them wielding that sword if they did not repent. Stephan suggested that each edge of the sword (Word) served a purpose. One to cut, one to heal. He also spent a few minutes on the white stone, explaining that the Roman judicial system used a black stone to indicate guilt, a white stone to indicate innocence.

I’m not going to try too hard to bring this all together into one tidy little epiphany right now. It’s still churning (and burning) around. Maybe it’s connected, or maybe I’m so far behind in my lessons that God decided I needed to double up today. But I do know this:

We may be broken and weak, but Jesus heals.
We may be guilty as hell, but Jesus saves.
We may be drowning in the darkness, but the Dawn is drawing near.

Come, Lord Jesus.

fair to middling expectations

(Note to K&K – Yes, I’m stubborn and don’t respond well to anything remotely resembling pressure…so my initial reaction was to not post out of spite…and an intense desire to make my own decisions and take care of my own life, thank-you-very-much. But Ma says “Maybe you need to work on that…”)

My problem lately is this: I feel like I don’t have much to say. Especially when you all seem to expect some great and wise insight, or at least something mildly amusing. Expectations lead to Pressure to Live Up to Them. Pressure, for Shannon, usually leads to Shutting Down and/or Shutting Out. Or, in this case, Shutting Up. (Ok, so I’m not really blaming my lack of posting completely on you. I’m trying, though.)

I have been thinking about Expectations a bit, however. Mostly, of course, about my own expectations, and how others consistently fail to meet them. (Much easier, you know, and more comfortable, to think about that than the reverse.) It just seems like the past year has been extraordinarily full of disappointments and a shocking lack of follow-through from a number of people in my life. I’m not talking about someone just being late to appointments (though you know how I feel about punctuality). I’m talking about someone not showing up at all; no phone call, no explanation, no attempt at apology, nothing. (And more than one person has done this.) Making commitments and utterly, utterly failing to follow-through. Saying one thing, doing another. Not being the kind of friend I expect a brother or sister in Christ to be.

Are my expectations too high? Am I too quick to judge, to condemn? Do I place altogether too much importance on myself and how I think others should act? Am I inviting disappointment, even expecting it, then feeling justified for having known all along someone would fail me? Do I embrace the victim’s role, tragic and abused?

Should I give up on expecting anything from anyone?

And the worst part is the fallout. People usually know when they’ve disappointed you, even if you don’t say anything. They get uncomfortable. Awkward. Defensive. And then they hide. And being the Greatly Offended Party, I usually feel no desire to seek them out. It is, after all, their fault. And the awkwardness just grows, becoming nearly a living but deadly monster, suffocating the relationship. Some of my relationships have been thus wounded, I fear some mortally so.

Am I not at greater fault? Isn’t it the Lord’s expectation of me to build the fellowship, nurture and mend? To forgive? To attend to the plank, and all that? But even then, even doing those good things, do I not sometimes simply exchange my role from that of the Victim to that of the Martyr?

And do I not do unto others just what they have done unto me? And do I not do so unto the Lord, as well? If I feel I’ve disappointed Him, I get uncomfortable. Awkward. Defensive. And I hide.

Thank God for Grace. For being a God that seeks me out when I hide, and bids me to return and lift my face to the sun. And for being a Covenant God, One who never forgets to show up.

May we grow in His love, dear ones. For Him and for each other.


(But just so you know, I posted because I wanted to, not because you asked...)

still to be done

During worship this weekend, a photographic montage was shown while a recording of Chris Tomlin singing “God of This City” served as the musical score. The photos were mostly of our town, and Pastor David used it to confirm that his transition to our church is complete, that he is committed to praying for this community and that he knows greater things are still to be done…here. Funny how God can speak the same message to me through the same song…but expect me to hear something far removed from what David heard. 8,581 miles removed, to be specific.

Throughout the length of the song, as David preached, and after the benediction…my heart was pulled and the tears that slipped down were not for my own city, but rather for one I’ve never even walked the streets of. Phnom Penh. Desperate and beautiful Phnom Penh. Where the slums next door are barely concealed from the view of your luxury suite…but if you squint a little, you may be able to blur the image enough to forget what you’ve seen. Just don’t stand at the window too long.

Phnom Penh. Where you can wander the markets and surmise that the bird vendors, with their cages stuffed and noisy, are selling pets…despite the stall down the street with the skewered barbeque in similar shapes and sizes. You can believe the smiling young girls are only peddling flowers in the park, though they are, like the birds, also caged. And so many will suffer a parallel fate - skewered, devoured, and discarded.

Lord, will you remember Phnom Penh? Will I?



You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things
Have yet to come
And greater things
Are still to be done in this city

The Road of Lost Innocence

The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine

By Somaly Mam


This is one of the most truly awful portraits of mankind I have ever willingly subjected myself to. Somaly Mam was sold into sexual slavery as a child in Cambodia and this book is the story of her life. She is candid and brutal in her openness and entering her world left me broken and sick. But as a Mid-West twentysomething living a pretty charmed life, where my biggest concern is finding a rug to put in my family room…I need a little breaking now and then.

Somaly eventually climbed out of the hell of the brothel with the aid of a Frenchman, and has since dedicated her life to helping other young girls do the same. Her tale is wretched and inspiring, tragic and heroic. I hope you read it. And I hope it wrecks you the way it has me. So instead of talking about the book itself, I’d rather talk about the effects of reading it. (Ok, I guess I’m not a very disciplined reviewer.)

I had a general knowledge about the existence of the sex trade, and rampant human trafficking around the globe before reading this book. But like most injustice that takes place outside of my immediate family and friends…it’s so easy to acknowledge…maybe even cry a little over it…and then go back to rug shopping. Such has not been the case since reading Somaly’s book. I can’t get her out of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about her and the girls she’s helping. I can’t stop praying and asking God why He allows this to happen…and why Christians (myself included) are largely ignoring it. Are these not the orphans…the poor…the weak…that we’re (I’m) commanded to look after?

But the resounding thought that is most doggedly pursuing me is this: Somaly isn’t really out of slavery.

“I’ve tried a great many things. But the past is inscribed on my body now. When you see the marks on your skin, the scars of torture and cigarette burns, the shape of the chains on your ankles, you feel the past can never be wiped away.”

“I lived amid this stench for so long that I can’t bear it now. Even fifteen years later, I feel dirtied by it. So I wash myself like a madwoman, put cream on and cover myself in eau de toilette in order to mask the stench that pursues me. At home, I have a cupboard full of perfume. I spend money to blot out a smell that exists only in my imagination.”

“What’s the use of such an existence? Apart from crying, what does one do with it?...To say that the past is past, that you need to put it all behind you, is what I say all the time to the girls who come to the center with their unendurable suffering. I know how to say all this, but I also know that it’s useless and serves little purpose. Nothing can cauterize those old wounds.”

I realized that in the midst of reading about previously unimaginable suffering, I was still hoping for a happy ending. Hoping that Somaly would be healed. But every time I read the above, my heart breaks anew. She’s living closely with the horrors of her past, not able to escape from the filth, and haunted by evil still. “Nothing can cauterize those old wounds” she says. The thing is…she’s wrong.

Jesus can.

Does she know? Has she heard? Has anyone told her of the power in the blood of Christ? That He can wash her with it, and she can finally be clean? Has she met Gomer…the woman that chose to be a whore and her faithful husband Hosea…who brought her back home?

Does she know?

Does she know that Jesus hung around prostitutes? That He loved them? That He loves her? That He wants her to be His bride? That He desires to and is able to save her from her prison?

Who will tell her? Will I?

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As courageous and heroic as Somaly Mam has been, rescuing others from the pit she herself was once buried in…my heart cries out that it isn’t enough. Girls are being unleashed from the chains of the brothel only to find themselves fettered still…by shame, by fear. Somaly and her fellow workers do what they can to care for these girls, to teach them their value, to show them love. But man’s effort…man’s love…how futile it is without the power of Christ. Only His love can transform, only His love can heal. Only Christ.

But does she know?

Who will tell her? Will I?

Case Re-Opened

10¹. I sleep in this morning because I am on the 9-6 shift this week. I stroll into work at 8:50am and my back-up asks "What happened? No one knew where you were and everyone's freaking out!"

I am not on the 9-6 shift this week.


1. In case you're wondering where #8 and #9 went, I will explain. #8 is June's comment, though since refuted and dismissed. #9 happened last week. I told some people about it, I was going to post it, and then I forgot what it was. So maybe that's actually #10 and the #10 above is #11.